12 Steps of Overthinkers Anonymous

Step One

Admitted we were powerless over overthinking (oh no no no; two over words in a row just won't do) and our lives had become unmanageable.

Well, not completely unmanageable. Sure there are times when it seems berserk and a bit overwhelming but in the grand scheme of things, how much does a little chaos really matter? It's not like we can't stop anytime we want because, well, we can. We actually enjoy being more tenacious than most folks. Okay we admit we sometimes cross that line between tenacity and perseveration. We admit that can be problematic but the everyday stuff? We honestly can't own that degree of insanity. It's just not possible to survive without thinking.

Admitted we were powerless over our occasional excessive thinking and our minds were sometimes chaotic.

Step Two

Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Oh crap. Really? We don't feel insane all of the time, just when we spend too much time analyzing the words and behaviors of others who think less than we do. Reading body language and subtle changes in facial expression can help us more fully understand the so-called normies around us. If we don't analyze every word, gesture, and glance, how in hell are we going to stay safe? And what of the written words that are everywhere? Is a cat always a cat or is there a deeper meaning depending upon its usage?

We can buy into this up to a point. We'd like our brains to slow down every now and then but we don't want to become comatose.

What's that Power thing all about anyway? Should we leave it in or take it out? Why not just leave it for now so we can move on. There are still 10 steps to agonize over. Let's give it some thought as we consider the context and sub-context of the other 10 steps. We can always revisit this time and time again later.

Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves might help create more harmonious thought processes.

Step Three

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

What???? Who's kidding who here? Who threw that one in there? Really? No, that can't be part of this whole gig because if it is . . . really?

Before we move forward, let's take a moment to deconstruct this one. How did God become male? Who made that choice? In this day of equality and personal freedoms (well before the Patriot Act when we had freedoms—do we remember those days fondly). Where were we? Oh, God as male. We think this needs to be more inclusive or no women are going to opt into this program.

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.

Better but not great. How are we supposed to do this when many of us aren't even sure if there is a god? If there is a god, what does he/she/it look like? There's never been any conclusive evidence of god's existence. So, if god is an unknown something and we each perceive that differently, how are we going to make this work? When we get together, are all the gods in the same room with us? Where do they hang out while we're working on not overthinking?

That capital G has got to go or only the Christians will feel welcome. The 'o' needs to be replaced by a '-' or folks who practice Judaism won't come near us to get the help they so desperately need. Let's not forget all the folks who practice faiths that don't use the term god at all. And then there are the agnostics and atheists. How will they get much-needed relief if we use any version of god?

Up there in Step 2, we could grab Power, put Higher in front of it, and call it a day. We won't offend Christians because we've used capitalization (wink-wink nudge-nudge) so they'll understand Higher Power = God; Jews and other faith-based individuals won't see a conflict with their religious beliefs because, hello, no g-d word; agnostics won't complain because they'll be too busy trying to figure out if Higher Power is actually code for, well, you know, God; and maybe atheists will see this as a way to skirt the issue completely.

Finally, could we just agree that none of us is this entity we'll call Higher Power? Good because we still have to finish this step and there's that last big issue still looming.

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of a Higher Power as we understood this Higher Power.

"Made a decision." This may kill the program before we even get it off the ground. Who among us has ever made a decision without later questioning whether or not it was the right decision? Every decision is fraught with perils—endless opportunities to make mistakes. Each decision has its own unique maze of land mines strewn around haphazardly waiting for one tiny misstep. This can't be done. This is a hopeless step. We'll never ever get past this one if we leave it like it is.

Conceptually we agree that we need some kind of help in reducing the number of hours we waste spend thinking things through. Maybe we should just keep it simple and relevant to society's love of pop culture icons and nostalgia for less volatile times.

May the Force be with you.

Originally, we thought it was possible for overthinkers to embrace a 12-Step Program of Overthinking Forever—SPOOF. After weighing all the options, we came to believe we are incapable of keeping track of more than three without someone's head exploding.

I may or may not link up to Alphabe-Thursday since this post is O-themed. I need to ponder the relative merits of such a move. Will linking to a meme ruin my street cred as an independent thinker? If I link do I really have to read a crapload of other O posts? Since it's snowing, I'll probably have plenty of time to read them, it's just I have so much to do around the house I don't even know where to begin. I wonder if I just turn on the TV for 5 minutes if that'll distract me enough to let the answer to this dilemma come to me in a flash of decisiveness. NCIS always helps calm my thoughts. The writers keep it fresh and funny. I wonder if there's an episode saved on the DVR? If not, I may have to watch an episode of Law & Order: Criminal Intent from a DVD. I wonder if I should get another season. I wonder when the new abbreviated season is starting. I hope I don't forget to set that up on TiVo. I wish RM liked or even tolerated CI. I don't understand why he's so adamantly opposed to things I enjoy. I mean, really? Bobby Goren is good. RM thinks he's weird. I don't understand that at all. Sure, I don't like many of his television viewing choices either, but we're talking Bobby Goren here. It's just not natural. How did we end up married in the first place? Oh crap! Valentine's Day is right around the corner and I haven't even decided if I'm going to celebrate this year. I really don't like Hallmark holidays. I used to love it when I was younger. Now it's just so cliche . . .

. . . and RM seems to still enjoy it . . .