freeze this moment a little bit longer
make each sensation a little bit stronger
excerpted from "Time Stands Still" ~ Rush
I used to stare back into the abyss of the past. Hoping if I gazed long enough, the thoughts, words, and actions of days long ago would realign to become something I could embrace. A past that was all that I'd ever wanted, yearned for, and believed: my rose-colored memories.
It's rare that I intentionally dredge up that which was. Those images come unbidden, loiter, and wreak a bit of havoc before sliding away. Until the next time when I'm overtired, overextended, and unprotected.
I see the bounty of year-end posts cropping up in my Reader; read the titles of Best and Worst stories, photos, and videos; see the Top 5s, 10s, 100s Lists of Important This and That; and I find myself wondering why.
Each seems to be looking for a quick way to sum up 365 arbitrary days of life lived in a time when time is almost irrelevant. Technology has eradicated those natural pauses we once took for granted.
I remember when ringing in the New Year was exciting. Saying farewell to the last year was momentous. It's as though something miraculous was happening between 12:00 a.m. and 12:01 a.m on January 1st of each year. In truth, all that was occurring was another moment in time was ticking away.
We carry the same joys and sorrows through those brief 60 seconds. Our lives are not transformed or renewed because another calendar year has come to an end.
I used to believe the new year meant something spectacular. We'd made it. Now I find myself asking what's different about making it through that particular day into the next? Why is this any more special than surviving and sometimes thriving from one day to the next on any given day?
For me, the answer is nothing. Each day is a gift. None is greater than any other. What I choose to do or not do with the 24 hours I've been given is the only thing that makes one day more memorable or important than the next.
I'm not looking back as the year comes to a close. I'm choosing to embrace each moment grateful that the holiday ghosts have slithered away leaving me feeling peaceful.
Why did I choose a photo of a web up there? It's not the best photo I've taken nor is it the worst. It's a moment in time on a day when I'd have liked to have been capable of freezing time to savor the warmth of the day, breathe in the scent of blooming roses, and marvel at the way that web floated on the breeze.